jeff_cunningham

11:23 pm: classical!!
i didnt know where else to go with this

im looking for classical songs, something a little more upbeat. for example i have Orff's O Fortuna and am looking for similar things but dont know where to start.

so, could you upload some of your favorite classical songs (any composer), or albums, just anything at all. i love putting this music on in the background and getting lost in its brilliance

Tags: classical

02:32 pm: my life in '08
to whom it concerns (basically to whoever actually reads this)

Life is good, school is almost done (2 classes this semester then hopefully niagara u next year for teachers), still in a great relationship (just past 1 year), and i havent completely lost my mind yet.

It is believed that men have to run their lives on routine, i believed this up to a couple of weeks ago. i used to live my life based on a schedule i had created for myself. Now i seem to do everything based on impulse. im not saying i dont use some of my routine habits but for the most part i seem to decide what i am doing based on how i feel. Initially this caused a lot of stress but now i'm enjoying it.

I still live my life based on my need for money. i wish this was not necessary but it is unavoidable. school next year will be 20,000 dollars...U.S. and i really have no interest in taking out a loan...so that means work work work...however there is no work right now so i am barely getting 4 hours a day. im thinking its time for a second job, possibly as a waiter or something that gets me tips.

i've also realized recently that ive lost touch with a lot of people. is it my fault? absolutely. was it avoidable? sure, but...i feel with some of them their lifestyle has begun to scare me. i can think of a few people that have got into drugs or just heavy drinking and altho i do not think that is bad b/c they can do what they want, i just feel that i cant let myself slip back into that. i used to be involved in that scene and it was fun, however it prevented me from enjoying life the way i wanted to live it. im glad i did it b/c it opened my mind, i see the world differently and i wish everyone could take this view, but i also went through i pretty severe depression after stopping the drugs. through research i have learned that it was my body withdrawing from the drug. after the depression tho i became happier then ive ever been. my life cant get any better then it is now, but i wish i didnt lose touch with some of my friends.

well i do have to get to class so if anyone actually reads this and would like to go for a drink...coffee, or beer to catch up or to just chat then let me know. if not i will be sending messages to random people to see how their lives are and make sure i dont lose touch with more.

ciao

04:33 pm: Muse Concert Review
I must have amazing luck this year. Every concert i have seen has been great. First the Tragically Hip, which i dont think they could ever put on a bad show. Next were the Killers who were decent, but nothing spectacular, i still had a good time. After was Roger Waters who was amazing. And just recently Chris Cornell who put on a great show.

on August 1st I saw Muse at Arrow Hall. I went to this show because my friend asked me to go and i honestly was not a huge fan of the band. i knew three songs and just wanted to hear those songs and then could care less about the rest of the show. When i left the show i was surprised to discover that Muse had become one of my favorite bands.

First, it was my first show at Arrow Hall and i was happy with the venue but pissed off about where it was (by the airport) and the wait it took to get in. The line to get in was almost an hour long. i just went back to the car and waited till it got shorter. i learned now not to get to the show early and just show up for the band i want to see. The venue itself was just a large convention centre with a stage at one side. i enjoyed it but my friends had complaints.

The show itself was awesome. the light show that the band put on was the best i had ever seen. at points i forgot there was a band on the stage b/c i spent my time watching the show behind them. It was funny b/c the three songs i wanted to see happened to be in the first 6 songs they played and it didnt bother me.

at one point the band had a grand piano brought on the stage. the piano had lights come out of it everytime they touched a key. that was pretty amazing.

overall the show was pretty amazing. i've found that all i have listened to since the show is Muse cd's. i have finally figured out how to post videos so you guys can enjoy the show too.

Time is Running Out


Hysteria


Maps of the Problematique


Starlight


Tags: concert review

03:12 pm: one video at a time
this is from last night, chris cornell-doesn't remind me of anything/his b-day celebration

11:05 am: finally figured out videos!!!!
i have decided to upload my videos on youtube which means that i can post them here now :)

so i bring you concert videos:

Roger Waters - Brain Damage/Eclipse



that's all im going to post for now

07:42 am: Chris Cornell Concert Review
last night i saw Chris Cornell, formerly of Audioslave, formerly of Temple of the Dog, formerly of Soundgarden, presently himself. it was the first time i had seen a show at massey hall and all i can think is that it's the only venue that i was actually in love with. it is a venue created for music shows so the acoustics are perfect, the show is intimate (despite having 2,000 other people with you) and the history is unimaginable. when i first walked in i had to stop. i thought of all the great bands that have probably played here in the past, it gave me a chill. later on michelle and i were talking and i was listening to the conversation the people behind us were having and one guy said, "imagine being here in 1971 for neil young." i feel bad for michelle because at that moment i went silent and transported myself to the concert. this morning i woke up and i put on the neil young live at massey hall album and was like "i was there"

ok enough about the venue, on with the show. the opening band was...i guess the best word is interesting. definitly entertaining but i dont know whether their lead singer (a female that at random parts of the performance started humping the ground) was a singer or just some stripper they found at the strip club down yonge street. the band itself (excluding the lead singer) were pretty good, i just had to block her out of my vision/hearing which took a lot b/c its not everyday you see a girl humping a stage.

when chris came on the place was electric. everyone went crazy, i have seen nothing like it. normally when someone comes on there is one or two drunk guys that just stand up and go nuts, for chris it seemed the whole place went crazy. i dont remember the setlist at all but i do know he did a good job mixing up his new solo stuff with his old soundgarden/audioslave/temple of the dog stuff. he also did a good job balancing his set with a light song then two heavy songs or vice versa. it was like i was on a roller coaster ride, the heavy/rock songs brought me way up while the light songs brought it down a little but made me want more.

the songs that i do remember were great, he really did a good job. i dont really know his solo stuff, but from what i gathered from the crowd, neither did they, but i did enjoy them. i didnt think to myself "shit another solo song, why wont he play his old stuff instead of this garbage" instead i thought "this is good, im going to check it out when i get home"

audioslave was one of my favorite bands b/c it combined the greatness of rage against the machine with the lyrics and vocals of soundgarden. i was really worried because i didnt think the band he had assembled would compare to that of the rage boys, especially the guitar of tom morrello. i left the audioslave 2 years ago thinking i had just seen the greatest guitar player of my generation. i left this show thinking, the guitarist was meh. but how does one compare themselves to tom, its impossible. the band was decent and did an ok job.

i wont go through songs b/c there were just too many. some higlights for me was when he did show me how to live, hungerstrike, outshined, spoonman, and burden in my hand. tho, my absolute favorite part of the night was when the band left and chris grabbed his acoustic guitar and played 4 or 5 songs. that blew me away. if i remember correctly he did, fell on black days, billie jean and like a stone, along with some solo stuff. he finished the acoustic with doesn't remind me. half way through this the band came back with a birthday cake (it was chris' birthday) and surprised him. he managed to play through all this comotion and barely missed a note. after the commotion the band joined in on the song, which was pretty good.

he finished the night with black hole sun. i was kinda disapointed with this because when i saw audioslave he did this song acousticly, and this time he had the band. the acoustic version was much more impressive.

all in all the show was good, i was worried that after seeing roger waters, chris cornell would be awful but he held his own. it was a totally different show and was really enjoyable. was it better then audioslave? no because i am a bigger rage against the machine fan then i am of soundgarden but this show definetly brought back good memories of the show 2 years ago. i was thinking i should start rating my shows but then it would be like comparing them and that is not possible. how can you compare chris cornell to roger waters or roger waters to radiohead. all i do is i think whether i 1) got my moneys worth, 2) had a good time. the answer to both those questions is yes.

look out for my next concert review of the muse show on august 1st

Tags: chris cornell concert

06:07 pm: Review of Roger Waters concert
its been two days since i saw Roger Waters at the Rogers centre (still skydome to me). first let it be said that i spent 160 a ticket on this concert but to me it was completly worth every penny.

first my seats were 9th row, which is pretty damn good. but still not as great as you think. the seating arrangements were really stupid. i still was able to see him without binoculours and i got some good pics/videos.

for those who dont know roger waters is a lead singer from pink floyd, not the good one but still. he started the show with "in the flesh" which was amazing, followed it with "mother" which was a slow song that fit in fairly nice. next was "set the controls for the sun" which had some amazing graphics in the back and turned out to be a very enjoyable tune. the next songs were "shine on you crazy diamond" "have a cigar" and "wiosh you were here" shine on was great because they had pics of syd barret in the background, have a cigar is just an enjoyable high tempo rock song. the only disapointment for me had to be wish you were here. it is one of my fav songs and he did not do it justice. only dave gilmour can sing that song decent. he then went into some solo stuff that interestingly bashed george W and tony blair....kinda entertaining. he finished the first set with Vera and sheep.

he came back 15 min later and did the entire darkside of the moon album. all i can say is WOW. every song was excellent, there was an amazing drum solo during "Time" amazing sax solo during "Money" and the female vocalist in "great gig in the sky" sent chills down my back....everyone was speechless after her performance. the final two albums were my favorite and it was a treat to here it live. "brain damage" and "Eclipse" were amazing, when he was done the album i had to sit down b/c i was speechless. he then came back for an encore where he performed "another brick in the wall" which the crowd loved and everyone sang along, almost hauntinly amazing. the night ended with "comfortably numb". i knew this would be the last song so i turned to my friend when it was starting and went NO THIS CANT BE IT. i was having so much fun. the show was almost 3 hours, i was shocked.

my overall thoughts of this show can be summed up by saying amazing. if dave gilmour tours again i am going to see him as well b/c they will never tour together. this was easily one of the best shows i've seen. im reluctant to say it was the best b/c radiohead was pretty damn good, but it was easily top 5.

next show: friday, Chris Cornell!!!! lets see how he matches up with Roger Waters.

04:27 pm: so close, yet so far
i recently found out that i have only 1.5 credits to go before i graduate. so this is my final year at brock :) what will next year bring? i figured i will go the full year because i dont have anything better to do and will probably waste my money on something stupid anyway. i am also planning on working full-time this school year and therefore have extra cash and will then be planning a trip to europe in the summer. all i need to do is find someone who is interested in going with me. i will prob start looking in november and book my flight and such by spring break. so if you interested and are serious about going then send a message this way.

in other news. ive decided to be more healthy and lose some of my "beer" weight. i will prob exercise a lot more and get a gym pass come september (i cant justify getting one now because it is too damn nice out to go inside to work out).

and now its time for sleep.

09:30 pm: :s
ok so i need $3000 dollars by september for insurance on a car that my parents are giving me. its a nice car...2000 honda accord for those who care, but i also have to pay for school. im in a dilemna. do i need the car?

would it be more convinent?
yes

would it be expensive?
no not really....cheaper then a used car

do i need it?
:s maybe

why do i need it?
-to get to school...oh an extra $250+ for a parking pass (excelllent) oh thats ignoring the 150 that im paying for a bus pass (which i have no choice)
-the gf is going to oakville for school so i want to visit (is it worth 3000 plus gas?)
-random road trips will be possible...but would i actually go with the price of gas?
-sis is getting her liscence so it means that she will want to share the car


so as of right now the pros outway the cons...so if someone has any other ideas please let me know....

as for my life....all is good. i have many concerts
Roger Waters: July 14
Chris Cornell: July 20
Muse: August 1
Incubus: AUgust 2
COllective soul, Live, Counting Crows: August 21

so lots of moneyt is being spent...but its completly worth it!!!!

Quote of the day: "i photoshopped you to have feathers and a bill...get it your a QUACK"---the janitor from SCrubs (aka the greatest show ever)

07:07 pm: The answer to the meaning of life is 42!
"there is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."

so can the meaning of life actually be known?

07:00 pm: i figure i should start using this thing
these past two weeks have been eye opening for many reasons.

first: i just got back from vacation to nova scotia, 4 days in halifax and 6 in cape breton. cape breton was absolutly beautiful and to anyone that is thinking of going 6 days is not enough to explore its beauty. i could spend a lifetime there and never experience everything it has to offer. that being said i could never live there. ive grown up being used to a life of grocery stores and basic civilization being on my doorstep. for them it was a 45 minute drive to anything. it made me realize tho that people in populated areas complain way to much. an hour drive to toronto is not that bad, a 10 minute drive is laughable, and a 5 minute WALK to a grocery store is a luxery. the beauty nova scotia has to offer is something photos and words cannot explain, my new goal in life is to bike the cabot trail!!!

second: my greatest fear about this trip was that i went with Michelle and 10 days is a long time to spend with one another. thinking back on it now the past 2 weeks we have spent together because before the trip we got a hotel in the falls and spent a couple nights there. at first i thought to myself "what am i thinking, i am not ready for this" now i am thinking "why did it have to end" ive said the words "i love you" to three people in my life, which is a lot b/c i am only 20 but i think this trip made me recognize what those words actually mean. i spent ten days with her, only being apart for a few minutes each day, that is a lot of time to spend with one person. we made it through the trip without killing eachother and in fact have a greater understanding of one another. so that is another suggestion that i have for people. when you are in a new relationship and not sure about the person, go on a long trip with them, but not too long. by the end you will see who that person really is. this created a another goal for me: make money during the school year so that i can get a place with her in the summer (if this was me two weeks ago id be freakin out for thinking so far into the future, but now i cant not think that far)

third: life is more then work and school, take a break from everyhting and go for a hike. you will see amazing things. i just spent 10 days in nova scotia with no car, very little money, an amazing girlfriend, and a perfect family that let me crash at their place. this showed me that i didnt need anyhting, i already had everything i needed. so everyone should take a trip to somewhere, i suggest a place where family lives that you dont normally get the chance to see. that way you get that experience, and you get a place to stay. having no money is not an excuse. in may i had 20 dollars in my name...the lowest its been since i was 10, i worked my ass off and booked the flight before i even had to money to push myself. the entire trip cost less then 500 dollars. and thats 300 dollars on food alone. so go out and experience the world. have fun with family and people that you love it will definitly change who you are

12:17 pm: goodbye year 3
wow i have really been neglecting this lately.

finally finished year 3 of university. I had never worked so hard and it showed, my average went up 10% this year and im very proud of that. now i have to find out how many more years i need to complete my undergrad degrees. i almost have history finished off but psych will take at least another year. it is now summer and i am already missing the fun that school brought. work will not be the same but it will give me the money i so desparatly need. i met some really great people this year and have some friendships that i will last forever. as for my personal life, my relationship is going great and i couldnt ask for anything better. i hope that it continues altho i already know summer will be rough b/c of all the time we will spend apart. i have a potential trip planned for cape breton in the mix right now and i cant wait to go if it works out.

my bank account is at an alltime low right now. im starting to freak out b/c i need all this money soon but dont have any of it. i guess that's what summer is for, making money...but i hope this doesnt keep me from my friendships that i have made and the ones i want to maintain. concert season is already underway and i cannot wait for the shows i am going to see. i have the killers on monday, may 7, roger waters, july 14, incubus, august 2. and potentially warped tour and v fest depending on people.

well let the summer begin, it shall be interesting

hoping everyone the best

10:45 am: happy and sad at the same time
i just bought tickets to see Roger Waters on his "Darkside of the Moon" Tour.

good news: im 9 rows from the stage on the left.

bad news: im not even going to begin to say how much it cost me.

im really looking forward to it but am angry about how much i just spent.

i now need to find someone interested in going. if anyones interested post here or email me or talk to me personally. i will then tell you how ridiculously priced it is...but remember 9th row

if i cant find anybody i figure ill just ask my mommy to come with me...she's a huge floyd fan but i dont think i could sit in the car with her for the hour drive lol.

12:28 am: livejournal at work...can it get any better
recently i decided that if i raise $100 for big brothers and big sisters i would cut my hair. if you havent seen me in a while i definetly need it done. so at work alone i raised $150 b/c everyone thought i so desperatly needed a haircut. that means either today or tomorrow it's coming off.

in other news, with reading week coming up i am getting desparate to find something to do other then working. i have it narrowed to new york for a few days or toronto for a night or two. montreal is also a possibility but i wana find people interested first. everyone either is working, is going home, or doesnt have enough money.

but before reading week i have to get through a week of hell. when i thought last week was bad, this week came along and shot it out of the water. an essay, an assignment, a seminar presentation. and to cap it all off its valentines day this week. i am still taking suggestions for what i should do for v-day. i have heard a lot of good ones so far...tho many involve making someting and my creative skills are in the shitter.

well i guess i should get back to work...im starting to feel guilty (well more like hungry but its close enough).

also im going to try and do a get together at the fine grind on thursday so if anyone is interested let me know. its the day before reading week officially starts...so why not start drinking then!!!

08:43 pm: wow i have totally stopped caring...but its working
i realized about five minutes ago that i have viewed this year as a write off. im spending more time planning trips that keep fucking up then doing homework. when i should be writing an essay i keep thinking to myself..."wow i wanna go to new york during reading week" but as my problem is i cant find anyone who 1) wants to go, or 2) if they want to go dont have the same time off. so reading week is in two weeks...and i want to go somewhere. mark im looking at you!!! let me know if your off and want to go somewhere...even for two days. or if you have that week off...wanna do something crazy lol.

so back to my original point that school has become the second fiddle lol. i have no focus on school but my marks are going up compared to previous years. maybe this non focus is helping me avoid the problem of burning out and therefore my work is better for the high mark papers and exams b/c im not tired of school yet.

so now i go home and study for my exam tomorrow which i have not cared about. now lets see how well i do on this one!!!

08:33 pm: Stupid classes, interfering with the roadtrip of a lifetime :(
on saturday night i went to toronto to watch my beloved Vancouver Canucks play the AWFUL Toronto Maple Leafs. if anyone doesnt know i grew up in Vancouver and went to a bunch of the hockey games out there then when we moved out here (6 years ago) i have always said that i would try to see my Canucks play when they come to the area.

my dad and i arrived in toronto at 4 and went to Wayne Gretzky's restaurant to enjoy some chicken wings and a lot of beer. we ran into a bunch of canucks fan. a couple of which begin my heros. these people sat beside us in the restaurant wearing canucks jerseys so i started talking to them. i found out they were from vancouver and were travelling to Toronto, Montreal (play Canucks on Tues), Ottawa (play on THurs) and Buffalo (Fri). so that means 4 hockey games in a week. i am sooo jealous. that is the road trip of a lifetime.

so i began thinking to myself. montreal is 6 hours away...maybe more. ottawa is 8 hours away...maybe more. and i already have tickets for buffalo. so maybe i can do a road trip of my own. my dad has already expressed interest for the montreal game...but i found out today that i have a presentation tues that i cant miss. FUCK!!! Ottawa became the next choice...hmmm whats happening thurs...i would have to skip two seminars...which im willing to do...but my dad is leaving for flordia at 6am on friday so now my road trip buddy is gone. my gf is working so that counts her out. also i know NOBODY who is a hockey fan that would want to go to ottawa to just watch a hockey game then come back. so if anyone would have my interest and is willing to most likely take the bus let me know. b/c im serious about this. i have to be back to the falls friday afternoon b/c of my tickets to buffalo so when i'm really only going for the hockey game...which i know people dont like.

Vancouver Canucks will be back in 4 years...so i will start looking for fellow Canucks fans now to go on this roadtrip of a lifetime (for me).

Also these people travelling from vancouver have a website
canucksweek.blogspot.com
greatest website ever!!!

Martinis tomorrow??? anyone...lve a message

07:05 pm: this last month part 2
well last month i wrote a post about well...my lasy month lol. so i figured i would make this a monthly thing where i talk about how my previous month has been.

as for this post it refers to December 8th to January 8th. the last post spoke mostly of how friends have changed in my life over that particular month. As for this month things have stayed mostly the same with my friends. My relationships with some has strengthened and with others have weakened. however i cant say that i wasnt expecting those that weakened due to major differences.

Since my last post i have started dating someone and so far it is amazing and i have zero complaints so far. the only problem that i see is that my grades may slip because of this new development but that is a problem im willing to deal with. for those that havent met her she is the exact opposite of everyone i have ever dated and it is a great thing because it is (in lack of better words) a breath of fresh air.

this month has also brought the holiday season and therefore a break from school. 3 weeks off which i feel is ridiculous...its too long and therefore much much harder for me to get back into the groove. the 3 weeks also meant a ton of work...some holidays...i had maybe 5 days off. christmas was great...plenty of family fun and plenty of gifts that i did not necessarly need. new years was also fun...mostly because i got to hang out with an old highschool friend and my girlfriend. i did not drink but that doesnt mean that the night wasnt fun.

this past week brought another friend back into my life. one that i thought would be gone forever. some call her the "one that got away" but i feel that she is one of my best friends and that we will be able to return to our former frienship that made things so much fun. her return came as a shock to me but when i found that she only wanted to be friends it came as a major relief. im hoping that this next month will bring our relationship back to the glory that once was.

As for concerts i have seen zero in the past month and have zero planned for the next month :( i really need to change that. especially since this past year has brought a high number of bands. the list includes: Nada Surf, Arctic Monkeys, Oasis, Richard Aschcroft, Coldplay, 30 Seconds to Mars (x 5), Mogwai, Radiohead, Yellowcard, Matchbook Romance, Bendouin Soundclash, Korn, 10 Years, Flyleaf, Stone Sour, Deftones, Thornley, Snow Patrol, DJ Shadow, Rise Against, Billy Talent, and Taking Back Sunday. So i will have to top my concert record this year but it will take a lot of work. Right now the only concert i have planned is Tragically Hip in mid february...but am thinking about Breaking Benjamin on Feb 4 (or something) but have noone interested in going with me...so if you would like to go let me know.

I think that is enough of an update for now. this month hasnt been too eventful but it was definatly memorable. my favorite moment would have to be Bond night. seeing the new James Bond movie, then going out for martinis. definitly a fun night but will def be topped in the near future...how about it Hoo????

talk to you next month :)

05:26 pm: happy holidays
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads.
And Mama in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap.

When out on the roof there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the shutter, and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
gave the lustre of midday to objects below,
when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles, his courses they came,
and he whistled and shouted and called them by name:

"Now Dasher! Now Dancer!
Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid!
On, Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch!
To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away!
Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky
so up to the house-top the courses they flew,
with the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
the prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes--how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
and the beard on his chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
that shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
and filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"



Merry Christams everyone, also happy holidays for my friends that dont celebrate christmas. may tomorrow provide a lot of family fun, excellent food, and a lot of presents :p

02:54 am: done exams
i finished exams today, meaning 3 weeks off...oh this will be sweet. but the truth is i work every single day (other then xmas and new years of course). but it means a mental break....my mind is about to collapse.

in other news i started reading this amazing book by Oscar Wilde called "The Picture of Dorian Gray" in the Fine Grind today as i waited for a friend to get off work. everyone i talked to since i picked it up has read it and say good things. So far to me its amazing. This part inparticular:

"Of course I am not like him. I know that perfectly well. Indeed, I should be sorry to look like him. You shrug your shoulders? I am telling you the truth. There is a fatality about all physical and intellectual distinction, the sort of fatality that seems to dog through history the faltering steps of kings. It is better not to be different from one's fellows. The ugly and the stupid have the best of it in this world. They can sit at their ease and gape at the play. If they know nothing of victory, they are at least spared the knowledge of defeat. They live as we all should live--undisturbed, indifferent, and without disquiet. They neither bring ruin upon others, nor ever receive it from alien hands. Your rank and wealth, Harry; my brains, such as they are--my art, whatever it may be worth; Dorian Gray's good looks--we shall all suffer for what the gods have given us, suffer terribly."

for some reason this exerpt moved me. i sat in the Grind and read this part over and over again...each time causing me to think more and more and agree with everything that is being said. i have never been moved like that like i was in this one exerpt.

well thats all i have for tonight...off to sleep i go. 3 weeks off here i come!!! if anyone has any ideas for what i should do let me know?

09:51 pm: this last month
the world has changed greatly...hell i have changed greatly.

i dont know how to explain it but everything is completly different then it was on November 9th, i have learned so much about myself and the people around me. especially with 5 of my friends (not naming names). one turned out to be a major disapointment or maybe it was i had such huge expectations for them. one has come back into my life and has helped me reappriciate old things. one i lost contact with for a little bit b/c of my stupidity but im hoping things will still be the same with them. one that completly surprised me and blew my mind. a month ago they were just another person and now so much more then that. and finally another that has come back into my life and it is scaring the hell out of me b/c i have no clue what to do.

im assuming all these changes are for the best but i just dont know what to expect anymore. i guess im one of those people that want everything to stay the same but i know that wont happen. everyone changes and that is how the world works. i have changed so much too. i have learned to appreciate things more when i have them b/c you never know when or how you are going to lose them. whether it is something huge or just a minor misunderstanding these can change your day to day life. Another thing i learned is dont lose contact with those that are really important to you. after almost 3 years im finally having a friend come back into my life and im hoping things will return to normal but there is the dream that everything will stay the same. ive learned to look at the world differently.

this past month was probably the busiest of my life. for three weeks i did not see the outside world, instead locking myself in my room or in the library to finish school work. when i emerged everything changed. some things stayed the same but others changed drastically. i learned not to take friendships for granted b/c they are the most important things in a persons life. it has been a crazy month and im still hoping that this next month offers little change but i am looking forward to seeing how different life will be on January 9th, 2007!